How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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