You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
