I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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