also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
