I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
