Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
