If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
