did you get engaged???
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
