Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
