well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
