rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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