saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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