A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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