out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
