I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
