Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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