i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
