she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
