You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
please come you make the beer taste better
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
