Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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