She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
