some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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