Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
