i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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