I need help removing her.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
