i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize