I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
