Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize