Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
