got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
