no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
