Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
