We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
