Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
