I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
BRING THE BAGELS
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
