I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
