I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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