Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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