just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
wow bdsm is so cute
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize