After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
