and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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