some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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