he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize