So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
