I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dick very happy bro
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
