If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
