bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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