Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize