Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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