I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
