peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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