i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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