So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
