You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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