they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
