Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
