She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
