I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
