Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
