Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
