I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
