Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
