angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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