he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
