my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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