How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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