I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
