the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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