There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
How's work?
Spinning.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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