If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
