I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize