Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
